Thursday, June 19, 2014

White to Brown :: (Summer Writing)

My former third graders are choosing to write summer vacation stories in their Google Drives! They share the Google Doc with me and leave a Google Doc comment asking to be published. I love having a connected learning community! Here is a great story written by Shayna highlighting adverbs! 

White to Brown
By Shayna

One day, a white pug named Eddy Wrinkleface walked happily down the Muddy Hill St. He tried as much as he could to avoid mud puddles. Eddy just got a bath, and he didn’t want to get another when he got home.  To Eddy, taking a bath was like eating jelly beans that were flavored like barf. He hated them more then being fed spoiled food. It was almost 9:00 and Eddy just wanted to get home and eat his dinner. 

Suddenly a big dark shadowy figure moved towards him. As scared as a baby pup, he tumbled into a big pile of mud. Then two big lights came on the enormous figure, blinding poor little Eddy. Then the figure hit Eddy making him very dizzy. Weakly, dirty Eddy tried to stand up. But he was hopeless. He flopped down on the floor again. Eddy barked as loud as he could, trying to yell for help, “Help! Help!” But his voice was as wimpy as a noodle. Then he heard a siren coming towards him quickly. To the rescue, came the animal control truck. They picked up Eddy carefully and put him in the truck.

But then, one eye came open, and then another. Eddy woke up finding him in a vet’s office. Still covered in brown mud, Eddy barked. Hooray! His voice was back. He stared over at the big desk in the room next to him. He saw a lady with a big phone.

The lady said, “Mr. Wrinkleface, is this you. We would like to tell you that your poor dog is in the recovery station after a delivery truck hit him. He was put under anesthesia and should wake up soon. If you can come get him tomorrow, that would be great.” Then the lady hung up the phone. This time, Eddy actually wanted a bath. The mud was spreading all over him. After two minutes, he was totally brown. From the tip of his nose, to the end of his tail was a full coat of brown mud. Eddy soon fell back asleep.

The next morning, the bell rang loudly at the veterinarian's office. It was Eddy’s family there to pick him up and take him home. Eddy was tired and dirty. He couldn’t wait to get home. Eddy jumped up excitedly and barked. The vet took the family to the room Eddy was in.

“Here he is. As good as new!” The vet said pointing at Eddy.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but this isn’t our dog.” explained Mr. Wrickleface. Our dog was silky white, not brown.”

“Oh dear. My mistake. Let’s look at room four.” Said the lady. Then they all walked away.

Eddy sat down with a frown on his face. What was he going to do? He got up and ran out the door of the pet care building and slowly walked off into the middle of nowhere. With no clue of where to go, Eddy stumbled off in disappointment.

Eddy decided to write a letter to his family and leave it at the front door of his old house.

Dear Family,

I see you no longer have interest in me. I could tell by the way walked away from me. I am off to find a family that wants me. But don’t worry. I will surely never come back.

Yours Truly,

Eddy left the note at the front door and hurried off. Eddy had no luck of finding an owner. He had to sleep in the dumpster too.

The next day, Mr. Wrinkleface stepped outside to pick up the morning paper. To his surprise, he found a note. It read:

fjsghpa rhf apijhg pairhfpasrihg pajht pariuthp9q ytiaerhg iuhasrigha srgj as hkgjajgaos hfoasjhgfiasjgfiasjjhf  aosjfhdjfnakjfh asjhfkljs dhfkjs dhgk ljsdhjhsg kjjfk kadhf djh

ejfhk jjdhglk sj
rkfkjs (Eddy never new how to spell)

But then, Mr. Wrinkleface realized something. “That’s Eddy’s signature. Everybody get out here! Eddy left a note! We have to find him.”

The family went out looking for Eddy, but they didn’t find one pawprint.

Farther into town, poor Eddy found himself walking alone in an empty village. A car drove by and over a big puddle of rainwater, splashing all over Eddy. The mud disappeared. He was clean at last. Then he turned around and saw his family. They all ran towards Eddy and gave him the biggest hug ever given to a dog. Then they took Eddy home and lived happily ever after.

What do you think of Shayna's story?

What a great way to showcase adverbs!

1 comment:

  1. Well done Shayna, I enjoyed reading your story because there were some nice twists and misunderstandings in it. Shakespeare often introduced confusion through misunderstanding to build his plays up. You have developed a really nice character in Eddy and if you wanted to you could create new adventures for Eddy that your readers can enjoy.

    I hope that you have shared your work with your family they will be proud of you.

    Mr E


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