Monday, May 14, 2012

The “Tale Trail” – Part 2

Our collaborative writing project with five other classes, the Tale Trail, continues  right here! Two weeks ago, the classes voted on a topic for the story and the idea with the most votes was “An underground tunnel is found under the school. It takes you to…”  
Mr. Salsich's class started the story.  We will now add our part to the story,  and then Mrs. McKenzie's class will continue it.
Here is our part:
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“Step right up, folks! Come and enjoy Franklin’s Fabulous Ferris Wheel! It’s  the wackiest, most wonderful wheel in the world, and I invented it!” exclaimed Benjamin Franklin as he motioned to Tiffany and Max. 

Max and Tiffany see Ben Franklin's Fabulous Ferris Wheel from afar.

The sound of circus music filled the tunnel. The two kids stood like statues at a wax museum. Max’s eyes grew wide, like two full moons while Tiffany... fainted.

Tiffany was sprawled out, motionless on the polished stone floor of the cave.  Ben Franklin, who was always a quick thinker, seized a bucket from behind his Ferris wheel and as fast as lightning, splashed the bucket of cold water on Tiffany’s face. 

Ben Franklin revives Tiffany in an old fashion way!

Drenched, she angrily stared at the historical figure she’d only read about in history books. “Ben Franklin?” she asked, gobsmacked. “I’m shocked to see you here!”

Max immediately explained to Tiffany what he’d been doing while she was unconscious. With mustard from a hot dog dripping off his mouth, he told her, “This is the best carnival I have ever been to! I’ve already ridden on Franklin’s Fabulous Ferris Wheel five times, and it is free! I made friends with a monstrous two-headed rattlesnake and his friend, the Jolly Giant. And, remember those Lego pirates we built three days ago in my basement?  They’re here!” 

Franklin’s Fabulous Ferris Wheel clanked and wheezed as the buckets of riders circled around. Each time the bucket with the horrifying two-headed snake passed the hot dog stand, the snake’s long purple tongues licked the mustard off the delicious hot dogs at Sally’s Snack Shack and Mint Cart. 

Max enjoying an Altoid at Sally's Snack Shack and Mint Cart. 

Tiffany, seething with anger, screeched, “Maximilian, we need to get out of this tunnel right this instant! If we don’t hurry, we’re going to be in so much trouble!”

“Oh, relax Tiffany. We’ll sneak back to class after we investigate this crazy carnival!”

“Relax? How can I relax at a carnival run by Benjamin Franklin, two headed snakes, and a jolly giant?!  Although, that cotton candy does look good... No, we have to get back!”

“But I don’t want to go!” Max protested. He ran over and seized a refreshing Altoid mint from Sally’s Snack Shack and Mint Cart. 

“Please, Maximilian, let’s leave!” pleaded Tiffany as she tugged at his mustard-stained shirt.  

Tiffany turned and trotted toward the tunnel’s trail head.

 *     *     *     *     *

Will Maximilian follow? 

Find out when Mrs. McKenzie and B4 continue the story!

*     *     *     *     *

What were some details or words that you liked from the writing?


What details were used from Part 1? 


What parts could you really visualize?  


What do you think will happen next?


  1. Dear Mrs. Yollis and class,

    That was quite the surprise in the second part of the story. I certainly didn't expect Benjamin Franklin to be down there! I didn't see the carnival coming either. That's what I love about this project, that you have no idea where the story could go.

    I wonder if Max will follow. He seems like he's having so much fun down at the carnival. What do you think he will do?

    Mr. Avery

    1. Sasha and Trey ༑ ༑ ༣ ༣May 16, 2012 at 12:04 PM

      @ Mr. Avery,

      Thank you for leaving a comment on our class blog. We also agree that it is fun doing this kind of a project! Although, it was pretty hard making the story. Sometimes, our whole class agrees on one thing, and then another time half of the class wants one thing then the other half wants another!

      Trey and I don't know if Max will follow or not. That's up to Mrs. McKenzie and B4. We think that Tiffany should come get Max, but both of them get lost because Max already left the carnival and didn't know the way back!

      What do you think should happen next?

      Sasha and Trey

  2. Dear Mrs Yollis and class,

    My name is Liv S and I am in Miss Jordan's class this year. This is the second time I have had Miss Jordan as a teacher so I am very lucky. Miss Jordan and Mrs Morris are outstanding teachers!

    Wow, I was just blown away with how that part of the story was wrote. I can't wait to find out what the next part is! The story is coming along great, you never know what might happen next!

    I could really visualise the paragraph when Max made friends with the two headed rattlesnake. The Lego pirates too!

    What I like about the Tale Trail is that we are collaborating lots. (I love to collaborate!)

    What is your favourite thing about the Tale Trail?

    From your new blogging buddy,
    Liv S :-) (4KJ)

    1. Dear Liv,

      Thank you for your adoring comment. What I like about the Tale Trail is that you never now what can happen next.It also is a great practice to improve your writing. I predict that your part of the story will be as good as gold.


    2. @Liv S,

      Thanks for your fabulous comment! My favorite thing about the story was when the two-headed rattlesnake kept licking the hot dogs! The parts that interest me the most were the cliff hangers, and they are so good, I kept wondering what would happen next. I am in the class that wrote it, and I will tell you it is very hard to come up with ideas and improve your writing.

      I look forward to seeing the next part of your story.

      When is your class writing your part?
      What does collaborate mean?

      ⒞ ࣄ Acaciaᘣ ࡚

  3. Dear Mrs Yollis and class,

    I love reading your "Tale Trailer" part two. It really took me on a magical adventure.

    You really loved the wonderful detailed words which you used too bring your story to life. For example wackiest,drenched and monstrous.

    The parts which I visualize the most were "the monstrous two headed rattlesnake" now that is a huge snake and to make it worse it has two heads. Also when "the two kids stood like statues".

    I can't wait to see where this story goes.
    For I am with Mr Avery as I am wondering if Max will follow.


    1. Dear AA.

      Thank you for leaving such a wonderful comment on our class blog! I loved reading it.

      We really tried to use high level words, and I am glad you liked them. Did you notice what we used from The Tale Trail part one?

      I could also visualize the two headed rattle snake in the ferris wheel buckets licking the hot dogs. That's a funny picture in my head!

      I think Max will follow because he is kind of mischievous.


  4. Dear Mrs. Yollis,

    The Tale Trail Part 2 came together AMAZINGLY! I think the cliff hanger of the story is great! I'm so curious to see what happens next. It was a great idea to write a book with seven of your fun blogging friends! I like Max because he is mischievous, fun, and of course, dirty. WOW, I really enjoyed the illustrations!

    I think Mr. Salsich's class started us off with a really interesting part of the story!


    1. @ Sammy,

      I too think Mr. Salsich got us to a great start. I think he should follow because he might not be able to go back. When I heard Mr. Salsich's part of the story, I thought it was amazing. I like Max but for different reasons. One of the reasons were that he was curios about the rock.

      What do you think will happen next?


    2. Dear Sammy,

      I agree the story did come out amazingly! Some details I liked about the story are the fact it was a monstrous two-headed rattlesnake, Max's eyes were like two full moons, and Franklin's Fabulous Ferris Wheel. Love that alliteration!

      I could visualize the Lego Pirates, and Benjamin Franklin pouring water all over Tiffany's face. If I were there and Tiffany fainted I would have said to Benjamin Franklin, "Just leave her because I don't want to go back to school."

      What I think will happen next is, Max will convince Tiffany to stay there until school is over. They will spend the night in the tunnel until school is out the next day. Their story to the school would be they were sick, and to their parents they would say they were lost in the woods close to their house.

      What do you think will happen next?

      Your friend,

  5. Dear Mrs Yollis & Class,
    We are really enjoying reading your story here in A Room with a View - we loved the idea of an underground carnival! We learned something new, as we didn't know who Benjamin Franklin was, but now we do...
    We think that you have been thinking about ALLITERATION when you wrote your part of the story. WE found lots of examples. Are we right?
    Mrs M & A Room with a View

  6. Dear Mrs. Yollis and Class,
    We loved part two of the Tale Trail! We never guessed that Tiffany and Max would discover an underground carnival.

    Only the students who have read, 39 Clues, knew who Benjamin Franklin was and so we watched a quick YouTube video. We thought it was cool that he 'invented' the Ferris wheel and got the bucket as quick as 'lightening'.

    Details and words we liked:
    Karin-I liked when you said gobsmacked.
    Kennedy-I liked that you put Benjamin Franklin in.
    Mia-I liked how you described Benjamin Franklin getting the water bucket.
    Lily-I liked the two headed snake.
    Solomon-I liked the mint cart
    Trista-I liked it when Tiffany commented about the cotton candy.
    Ana-I liked the part about Benjamin Franklin inventing the Ferris wheel.

    Details from Part I:
    Sophie-I like in part one there was a mint smell and then a mint cart in part 2
    Ana-In part one air blew up and maybe that was from the carnival.

    Parts we could visualize:
    Gwen-I could picture Tiffany fainting.
    Kennedy-I like the way I pictured Ben Franklin getting the water bucket as fast as 'lightening'.
    Trista-I could picture the two headed snake licking the mustard.
    Jacob-I could picture the big giant.
    Mia-I pictured the stain on Max's shirt.
    Lily-I could really imagine what Tiffany looked like when she was really mad at Maximilian.
    Solomon-I could really picture the Ferris wheel.

    Here are our predictions:
    Karin-Tiffany will get confused and go down a different tunnel.
    Trista-Tiffany will go back to school with Max, but they will come back to the tunnel later.
    Gwen-I think that Tiffany will leave Max by himself.
    Quang-I think that when Tiffany leaves Ben Franklin has made a trap and traps everyone.
    Jacob-I think the two headed snake and giant are going to attack.
    Kennedy-I think you can only go one way in the tunnel, you can't go back and so Tiffany and Max are stuck!

    We can't wait for part three!

    Your friends,
    Mrs. Watson and the 2/3s

  7. Dear Mrs. Yollis,
    Wow! I love how you made the story! I really didn't expect it to end up like this. I really like the topic also and that we get to collaborate with different grades, ages, places, and classes! It's so fun to write with others especially because you have NO idea how the story will end up. Then you might develop an idea how it will happen and the story takes you in a COMPLETELY different direction!
    Great job!
    Kirstyn M. :mrgreen:

  8. Dear Mrs.Yollis and class,
    The second part of the Tale Trial was fantastic! What a surprise! An underground carnival! I don't think anybody was expecting that. I loved it! If B4 comes anywhere close to what you wrote, it'll be great!

    Will G.

  9. Dear Mrs. Yollis,
    That story was amazing! I didn't expect there to be an underground CARNIVAL in the tunnel! I thought it was a great twist for the story. I thought it was funny how there was a cart of mints, which was what they smelt at the entrance of the tunnel. The Tail Trail was a great idea. I can't wait to read the rest of the story! Awesome job!

    ~Emma W.
    Mr. Avery's Class

  10. Dear Mrs.Yollis' class

    WOW that was awesome. I was not thinking they would end up at a carnival! I want to know it Max goes to with his friend. I just can not wait until next post to see what happens. I wonder if they get lost, if they find there way back to school,or if they meet someone on there way back to school? I cant wait until it is my classe's turn. I wonder if it will change a lot or not? You did and amazing job o this!

    From Allison W.
    From Mr. Avery's 6th grade class

  11. Dear Mrs. Yollis,

    Hi, my name is Sam and I am in Mr. Averys class. I love the twist you put on your story! I did not expect Ben Franklin to come in at all. I wonder how the story will turn out now. Mabey Tiffiany and Max will go back throught the tunnel, or mabey they'll stay at ben Franklins carnival. I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep up the good work guys!

    Sam :grin:

  12. Dear Mrs. Yollis and class,

    Wow, what an amazing twist in the story. Benjamin Franklin, a two headed rattle snake and a Jolly Giant.

    I think Max should not go but Tiffany should get the rest of the class.

    From Cam

  13. Dear mrs.yollis
    My name is kristin and I am in mr.avery's class. I really like how you changd the story around. I didn't expect it at all. I can't wait till we get to right part of this awesome story. I think it's cool that you guys set this up for us to use our imagination.

  14. Dear Sammy,

    It did come out pretty amazingly. It was a pretty good idea that we all write a chapter with good blogging friends. Max and Tiffany are very different, but they have some things in common. They both like mysteries and they both don’t mind getting dirty. There are things that they don’t have in common. One is a boy and the other is a girl. One loves the carnival and the other doesn’t mind it. One is mischievous and the other isn’t.

    What is your favorite part of the story?

    Do you like writing stories?


  15. Dear Mrs. Yollis' class,

    I loved all of you wonderful writing and detailed pictures. One of my favorite lines were,Although, that cotton candy does look good... No, we have to get back!” Ha! Ha! I have to admit that line is one of my favorites.

    Your friend,
    Shea from Mr. Salsich's class

    1. Dear Shea,

      I adore your comment. I,too, love the part when Tiffany talks about the cotton candy. It is so funny!
      My second favorite part is when Ben Franklin splashes Tiffany with cold water. What do you think will happen next?
      I couldn't stop reading your part of the story, it was written so well!



  16. Dear Mrs. Yollis' Class,

    Wow, what a marvelous job you did writing the second part of the story! The details, vocabulary, and dialogue are all fantastic. I love the carnival idea. I didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't a carnival operated by Benjamin Franklin. (The two headed rattlesnake was quite a surprise too!)

    I like they way you started part 2 with dialogue. We have talked a lot this year about how it's important to grab the reader's attention right away, and dialogue is a great way to do that.

    Another thing I really enjoyed was how you "showed" what the characters were feeling instead of just "telling" what they felt. For example, when you wrote, "The two kids stood like statues at a wax museum. Max’s eyes grew wide, like two full moons while Tiffany... fainted" you didn't say that the kids were shocked, but instead you showed it with great details.

    You also did a wonderful job developing the personalities of the two characters. I like how Max continues to be more care-free and messy, and Tiffany is more responsible. I also like how she calls him "Maximilian" a few times when she is seething with anger.

    There are many parts of the writing that I love, but one of my favorites is when the ferris wheel, "clanked and wheezed as the buckets of riders circled around. Each time the bucket with the horrifying two-headed snake passed the hot dog stand, the snake’s long purple tongues licked the mustard off the delicious hot dogs." Beautiful writing!

    I'm really looking forward to the rest of the story.

    Your friend,
    Mr. Salsich

    P.S. Great job weaving in the mint shack to explain the mysterious mint scent they smelled in part 1!

  17. Dear Mrs.Yollis,

    I really liked the part when the snake's long purple tongues licked mustard of a tasty hot dog; I don't think anyone would like a hot dog that has been licked by a snake! That would be disgusting!

    When I read the story, I was confused about what an "altoid mint" was, but my mum explained that it was one of the mints she gives me from the little red tin. They are spicy hot and make my mouth feel like it's on fire!



  18. Dear Mrs. Yollis,

    I loved your new part to the story, but I didn't expect Ben Franklin to run a carnival, that was an interesting twist. I liked the part when the two headed snakes licked the mustard off the hot-dogs every time they passed them. Who would ever eat a hot-dog with snake saliva on them. I really liked the
    new part of the story because of the Jolly Giant and the two headed snakes and the three made up lego pirates.

    Your blogging buddy

  19. Dear Ms Yollis’ Class,

    I loved the second part of the story and how it said….
    “Step right up, folks! Come and enjoy Franklin’s Fabulous Ferris wheel its the wackiest, most wonderful ride in the world, and I invented it ! ”
    I loved that part.

    I also liked the part about the two headed monsters.
    I can’t Wait to here about part 3

    Carly in Mr. Salsich's class

  20. I think this story is turning out very interesting. The details really helped me picture this story, like monstrous, enormous,etc. I think that they both will make it out, because the story has to go on and on. I can't wait to see what happens next. Jocelyn from Mr.Salsich's class

  21. Dear Mrs Yollis and class,

    We loved the twist your part of the story took us on, we didn't expect to end up at a Carnival! We live in Australia and we don't know much about Ben Franlkin, did he really invent the Ferris Wheel?

    Connie could really visualise how big the Ferris wheel was.

    Jina could really visualise when Tiffany left the carnival and Max stayed behind.

    Hashani could really visualise when Tiffany fainted when she first saw the carnival.

    Isabelle could really visualise the part when Ben Franklin tipped the water on Tiffany.

    Jack could really visualise when Max was riding on the Ferris Wheel.

    Owen could really visualise when Tiffany said that she wanted to leave the tunnel and Max didn't want to.

    Caleb could really visualise how excited Max was to play the games.

    Chelsea could really visualise how excited Max was when he saw the carnival.

    Januki visualise when Ben Franklin put water on Tiffany's face to wake her up.

    We are really looking forward to reading part 3 of the tale trail.

    3/4M and Miss Jenkins.

  22. Dear Mr Salsich and class,

    After compiling all parts of "Tale Trails", I'm now going through, reading each part, and leaving a comment if possible. I've been trying to guess where each part might lead. now to your part...

    I didn't expect Franklin's Fabulous Ferris Wheel and a circus. This is a remarkable twist to the story. These turns in plat are what makes these sort of stories so interesting. The original writers have no idea where their story might go.

    It seems Tiffany is trying to be sensible by attempting to leave but we are left hanging. Now where will the story go?

    I had better move on to part 3. :)

    Thank you for sharing your part of the story.

    Teacher, NSW, Australia

  23. Dear Mrs. Yollis and Class,

    Well, that was a silly thing to do, I think I put Mr Salsich's name in the comment I left. I'll have to watch out as I move through each part of "Tale Trail". The comment was for all of you. :)


  24. Dear Mrs. Yollis

    Your class looks Fun! The feild trip look cool. Your story The tale trail is cool. You also have class tweeter. Your class has crome books and so does ours. Do your class have I Pads? Your class looks maybe I should move to Californa.



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